GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
