Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
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