We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
God I need to hump something, right now.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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