This girl is more easily done than said...
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
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high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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