just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
