I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
