I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
