in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
