Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
