how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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