that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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