Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
