Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
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