HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
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