somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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