WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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