Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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