bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
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