im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
They have beer where we have blood.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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