if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
