you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
