Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
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