Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
