I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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