Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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