we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
