Kiss
Puke
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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