do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
