There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
