Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
