i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
