who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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