Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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