mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
