Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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