Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
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There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
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