Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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