i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
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