I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
