Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Randomize