and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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