I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
