I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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