That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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