If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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