shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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