i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
