I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Operation Purity has been aborted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize