We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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