dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
