Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
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