Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize