lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Randomize
