if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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