you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I intend to get homeless drunk
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
