Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Randomize
