Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I pour the whiskey from now on
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize