my vag is so smooth its legendary
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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