At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
