then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
