3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
