when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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