legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
