i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
