Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
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