What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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