I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
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and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
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Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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