I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I just had sex on a roof
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
