hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
