if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
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