What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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