Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
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