well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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